Living Vicariously Through Our Kids: Denial

By now, I hope you’ve realized that there a few ways, other than sports, in which we live vicariously through children. If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about, read my three previous posts. My hope through posting this is to break from the norm and maybe open your eyes a bit. All of my life I have only heard people use the “vicarious living” statement when talking of sports. I can honestly say that I’ve never heard anyone use it with regards to adultery or idolatry. Why you might ask? I think the answer is pretty simple: Denial.

One thing to remember here is that I am not an expert in parenting as I have shown through my personal stories. It should be obvious by now that I indeed stumble in the parenting area. I’ve been in denial for a long time, but now, I am having a clearer understanding of it and what I need to do in order to fix things. My prayer for you is that you will examine yourself and maybe uncover the fact that you have been having an affair with your child and neglecting your spouse. Or, maybe you hadn’t realized that you’ve been bringing offerings to an idol that is of your own flesh and blood, otherwise known as your child. But whatever the case may be, I hope you realize that God has a plan for parenting that we need to be diligent about following.

First things first, a good parent must love God with all of their being and must put Him first in everything as it is written in Deuteronomy:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These Commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.” (Deut 6:5 & 6 – NIV)

First means above everything. Let me repeat that, EVERYTHING. Above your family, friends, and the hardest one, above even yourself. Remember, He is the one that created you for His pleasure and gave you everything you have so that you can bring glory to Him. So… get over yourself. If you need another scripture, Jesus said this:

“Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” (Matt 10:37 – NIV)

Next, a good Christian parent must teach their children about God by living a lifestyle of honoring Him through worship, love, and devotion, all the while teaching them to do the same. The good book says it this way:

“Impress them (God’s commandments) on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” (Deut 6:7-9 – NIV)

Children learn the best by watching those they admire perform a task, and then attempt to replicate it. From these verses, it is easy to see that we must spend the precious time we have with our kids talking to them about God and surrounding them with Him so that they will absorb the information. In other words, teach them by showing them, and give to them the things of God, rather than the things of this world. Oh, and never forget that you must guard your heart and be on the look out for behavior contrary to this model in your household, as well as in those around you. We have to remember to:

“Fear the Lord your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; for the Lord your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land.” (Deut 6:13-15 – NIV)

Finally, I’ll be the first to admit that I stumble often with denial. Although I stumble and fall, I get back up. Then, I stumble again, especially when it comes to parenting. But what I’ve found throughout my Christian life is that every time I stumble and skin my knees, the skin grows back in the form of a lesson that I have learned. Every one of these lessons learned the hard way, equips me for what I will face in the future. For I know that the struggles to come will be even more difficult and I need to be ready. But most of all, they open my eyes to how living in denial can only distance me from God. I thank God for making me aware of my denials, accepting me despite them, and giving me His wonderful grace that is sufficient for everything I will face and struggle with.